Gabrielle Bingham • March 2018

Why Friends?

In September of 2017, Harvard Business Review published an article titled, “Work and the Loneliness Epidemic.” The focus of this article is to address the overwhelming affects loneliness is having on Americans today, specifically considering the workplace and the friendships we experience at our jobs. Written from the perspective of Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, who served as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States from 2014-2017, he speaks as a doctor who has faced public health issues such as the Ebola outbreak and the Zika virus. Yet in light of his many years of helping patients and even serving as our Surgeon General, Dr. Murthy states that the most common and most impactful ailment he has encountered is loneliness. 

    In our world today, “over 40% of adults in America report feeling lonely, and research suggests that the real number may well be higher.” Sadly, this statistic has doubled since its last record in 1980. Murthy states that people experiencing loneliness are also experiencing a wide variety of serious physical implications due to their emotional distress. These physical affects are equivalent to “smoking 15 cigarets a day”; and the "long term stress” of loneliness can eventually lead to an increased risk of “heart disease, diabetes, joint disease, depression, obesity, and premature death.” Chronic loneliness will eventually even impair our abilities to make decisions and plans, control our emotions, and think abstractly.

    Clearly, we need relationships for more than just entertainment. For some of you, these statistics might not be surprising. Perhaps you or someone you know struggles with feeling isolated, and you are beginning to observe the harmful physical affects that loneliness brings. But maybe for others, you would not identify yourself as “lonely.” You believe your relationship needs are met through your boyfriend/girlfriend and your one close friend you see just a few times a month. But what if we were made for more? As we consider the large amount of lonely people in America today and its grave implications, our minimal interactions must not be enough. 

    As Christians, we believe that we are actually made for relationships, and this is why feeling lonely has such a horrific impact on our lives - in essence, loneliness goes against our very DNA. 

    As we consider Scripture, we see a narrative that revolves around relationships; and specifically, in a lot of ways Scripture is actually a story of friendship. Originating from creation, humans are designed to have authentic, deep, and committed friendships with one another. And these types of friendships are more than our marriages and our casual ‘friends' we see once every few weeks. Instead, through looking to our origins and considering our Creator, we can determine the purpose and value of spiritual friendships in our lives. 

“Let us make man in our image…"

    From the beginning of time, God demonstrates that life is relational. In the opening sentences of Genesis, we are introduced to a God who is not alone; his Spirit is “hovering over the face of the waters,” existing alongside him. And later, when God makes man, he says, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” This statement is not showing that God prefers to talk to himself in third person; instead, he is revealing to us his multi-relational nature and his existence in relationship, even with himself. Of course, this is a little trippy, I know, but nonetheless significant. Our all-powerful, gracious, loving, and perfect God exists in relationship with himself. Even God is never alone. 

    God continues to demonstrate the relational nature of life when he makes the first man, Adam. After creating Adam, God says, "it is not good that the man should be alone.” In Adam’s situation, we know he wasn't completely alone, because he was with God and the rest of God’s creation. Yet relationally, Adam did not have someone like him on earth; there was no one “fit for him” to know and be known by. After this proclamation, God takes a rib from Adam and fashions from it woman, Eve. At this point, there is something much more significant to be understood than simply God creating humanity's first marriage (although that is very special). Instead, in this moment, God is creating the origin of all human relationships.

    In Genesis 1:27, we can observe the account and even purpose of humanity’s creation:

“So God created man in his own image, 

in the image of God he created them; 

male and female he created them."

    In John Mark Comer’s book, Garden City, he breaks down the meaning of the word “image”. In Hebrew, the word image is salem, translated as “idol” or “statue.” This means that as God’s statues, we are made to reveal what God is like to the rest of the world. We are to make “visible the invisible God.” Yet specifically, Scripture reveals that “male and female” reflect the image of God. This might be understandable, but what does this mean for our relationships?

   This is understood just one verse later, in Genesis 1:28, when God says to Adam and Eve:

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, 

and have dominion… over every living thing that moves on earth.” 

    In this command, God gives his image bearers authority and dominion. He gives humanity the right to rule and invites them to co-create with him. Yet alongside this, God desires that while humans reign as his salem, they are to create societies and communities. As we learned from verse 27, both “male and female” reflect the image of God. Since God created the first man and woman to live in relationship with each other, most scholars believe these verses show the fullness of God’s image represented by humanity living in relationship with each other. In short, healthy communities reflect the image of God.

    From verse 28, we can observe that God desires Adam and Eve to multiply and fill the earth, so that together they can work as God’s image bearers and make visible the wonders of our invisible God. Humanity, then, does not merely reflect God’s nature within our marriages; instead, humanity truly reflects God’s nature as we thrive in flourishing communities of people. The ultimate act of living as God’s salem is to create and live in community with one another. 

Friends with God     

    Originating from a creation story that hinges on the necessity of relationship, the current devastation of loneliness is put into perspective. In no way were humans made for isolation and autonomy; on the contrary, our very Creator lives relationally and imparted his relational nature onto us, his salem. 

    To conclude, we should consider a few implications of our relationships. Concerning our relationship with God, what kind of relationship do humans, God’s co-creators, have with the almighty Creator? Is it not this - that we were made for a partnering of purpose and mutual desire to work and create shalom on earth? This mutual aim and purpose is actually better defined as a friendship. Did God create humanity to be his friends?

    And what does this mean for our relationships with each other? If healthy, flourishing communities reflect the full nature of God - and just as a quick reminder, reflecting God’s image is kind of our purpose on earth - then how does this affect our relationships? If God is our friend, how should we live with those in our communities? 

    The loneliness epidemic is devastating; not only because of the physical implications and literal limitation on our life spans, but because it goes against our very natures. Reflecting on the story of creation can help us put into perspective the incompleteness of our current realities, but it can also give us hope. As God blessed humanity to create communities and live in relationships, so are we blessed and made to live with one another. Although we can mourn our loneliness, we can celebrate that it only reveals we were made for something better.